Well, I should be studying right now… But I just can’t help it. I just want to reflect on several things. Almost everyone around me is giving up (now I know what’s peer pressure hehe). I DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP. I still WANT to do this, take this board exam. Again, I’m facing the BIG QUESTION, to fight or not. I should decide on it as soon as possible. But there’s no certainty in my situation. Everyone thinks that I am one of those who have the biggest advantage, I mean, the easiest situation. WELL FOR ME IT’S NOT. Yes I chose not to work, to focus on this. I have more time to study than some of them, but for me it’s not enough.

THAT IS A HUGE FACTOR. If I feel that I’m not prepared, my performance will be affected. If that’s not my definition of 100 %, if that’s not my definition of PREPARED, then it’s not. It is not comparable to others.

MAYBE THAT’S WHAT I’M AFRAID OF. A lot of people will judge me, will judge whatever the outcome is. I WILL BE DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF, of course. And I don’t want that to happen. SO, WHAT TO DO? Risk or not? 

I never thought I will feel this. I never thought finishing my manuscript would take that long, I never thought commuting for 2 hours (total of 4 hours back and forth) would be that time consuming (at least I didn’t think that it would matter). I thought that this would be easy for me. AGAIN, I’ve learned my lesson.

Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe I should study now, and keep these NEGATIVE VIBES AWAY!

OR MAYBE I’M JUST OVERREACTING,.. FOR THE NTH TIME IN MY LIFE.

But seriously, this is NOT easy.

I PRAY TO GOD FOR GUIDANCE.

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