Well, I should be studying right now… But I just can’t help it. I just want to reflect on several things. Almost everyone around me is giving up (now I know what’s peer pressure hehe). I DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP. I still WANT to do this, take this board exam. Again, I’m facing the BIG QUESTION, to fight or not. I should decide on it as soon as possible. But there’s no certainty in my situation. Everyone thinks that I am one of those who have the biggest advantage, I mean, the easiest situation. WELL FOR ME IT’S NOT. Yes I chose not to work, to focus on this. I have more time to study than some of them, but for me it’s not enough.

THAT IS A HUGE FACTOR. If I feel that I’m not prepared, my performance will be affected. If that’s not my definition of 100 %, if that’s not my definition of PREPARED, then it’s not. It is not comparable to others.

MAYBE THAT’S WHAT I’M AFRAID OF. A lot of people will judge me, will judge whatever the outcome is. I WILL BE DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF, of course. And I don’t want that to happen. SO, WHAT TO DO? Risk or not? 

I never thought I will feel this. I never thought finishing my manuscript would take that long, I never thought commuting for 2 hours (total of 4 hours back and forth) would be that time consuming (at least I didn’t think that it would matter). I thought that this would be easy for me. AGAIN, I’ve learned my lesson.

Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe I should study now, and keep these NEGATIVE VIBES AWAY!


But seriously, this is NOT easy.


in times of war


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I just dreamed that I was in a war — a real war, with big guns, bombs, shooting, running, and hiding. When I woke up, I thought of it, I had lots of realization. First, I pity those young people at war, those people who knew nothing about war, about fighting. In my dream, I was one. I was running for my life, climbing grills, jumping off to whatever height, and hiding and trying not to make any noise. And as I did those things, along with me are merely acquaintances (yeah, I recognized in my dream some of my friends and family, some are actors and actresses — yes, it’s crazy). One would care for everyone during these times — yung tipong, you don’t just run, yung sama-sama kayo, yung if you get a chance to grab the guns nung mga pumapatay para walang mabaril na iba, you will do it. You wouldn’t care if you know that person you’re protecting, basta you know na, ayaw mong may mabaril pang iba. Yes, you care most of your family and friends, but the other people, you will find yourself, PROTECTING EACH OTHER. This is because all you want is that this thing should end. Sure, maybe, some will think that they’d rather keep themselves alive than other people, BUT SEEING OTHER PEOPLE FALL TO THE GROUND, in front of you, it will give that sad feeling and that you don’t want to see more of it — yung tipong madedepress ka sa sobrang pinaghalong lungkot at inis sa mga nangyayari.


Narealize ko din na if given a chance, I will definitely handle the gun and shoot. Funny thing sa dream ko, I took a gun, yung maliit, and open na open yung isang leader (he’s an actor, can’t remember kung sino), then I tried to shoot him, tapos yung tipong nakita ko yung bullet  na sinalo nya haha! Yung kasi na parang ang baba na nung velocity dahil ang layo nya. Tapos naisip ko, baka may connection ang range sa laki or model ng gun. Tapos sabay takbo na kami ng mga kasama ko. Goodness! Parang apartment yung tinakbuhan namin. Then we entered a room, and we saw people sleeping, seriously? Haha! And next thing is crazier. They can’t find us, and they decided to use a bomb na lang para sure. Then the bomb exploded, the building started to collapse, from the middle, so parang nahati lang yung building at unti-unting bumagsak, and all of us were holding each other, then I saw a stable platform, just beside me (crazy thing!), then we scooched there haha! Then jumped off to a nearby roof and run again. Lesson: you will do anything just to survive! As I woke up, I realized that I want to learn how to use a gun haha!


I kept thinking about my dream, and I thought that if I become very rich, I will definitely donate money and goods to people at warzone. Yung panaginip na to ay hindi rin naiiba sa calamities, they are the same, that we do everything just to survive and help others. Naisip ko din na, ANG DAMI KO PALANG DAPAT NA PINAGDADASAL. A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING, while ako, mareklamo pa.



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Long and boring relationship…

Lagi kong naiisip yan. Yung tipong pag nakakita ako ng couple, tapos lagi kong nakikita na sila lang talaga magkasama lagi, parang gusto ko silang tanungin, “Hindi ba kayo nagsasawa sa isa’t isa?… Hindi ba kayo nauubusan ng pag-uusapan?“…

Nawi-weirdo-han talaga ako, kasi ano pa bang pwedeng pag-usapan at pagkwentuhan kung pareho nyo namang naexperience or nashare yung moment na yun, di ba, what’s left to share and talk about?

Pero hindi ko rin naman maikakaila na talagang humahanga ako sa mga couple, not yet married, na more than a year, lalo na yung more than 2 years or so… kasi parang sanay na sanay na sila sa isa’t isa. Yung parang, wow, hindi pa nagbabago yung feelings nila sa isa’t isa. Feeling ko kasi, wala nang tao, wala nang lalaki na stick to one… wala lang, feeling ko, lahat titingin at titingin sa iba. Na sa tingin ko sa movie lang uso yung linya na “Tumingin man ako sa iba, ikaw at ikaw pa rin naman ang mahal ko” and the like… Ewan ko, guys this age parang walang serious type, kaya hindi ko maimagine na eventually eh magmamature din sila, at magiging seryoso sa buhay…

Anyway, going back, usually, babae talaga yung nagiging “clingy” sa isang relationship. Totoo yan, kaya uso na babae din ang umiiyak. At nakakabwisit talaga na tine-take for granted na yung sobrang concern, care at love. Worst, kinabubwisitan pa, eh sorry ha, mahal ka na talaga eh, sinuyo suyo mo tapos pagsasawaan mo. Kaya nung mapanood ko tong movie na to, medyo nainis ako kay Jun-seo (yung lalaki), kasi, wow ha, gwapo mo eh… Haha… pero ayun nga, bored na sya sa relationship, parang naiirita na sya sa kakulitan at pagiging clingy nga nung girlfriend nya. Tapos nung maaksidente si Mi-yeon at ma-coma, saka lang nya narealize yung naging behavior nya… Ayan, ngayon mo mamimiss, kung kelan wala nang malay. Haaay, nakakaloka… As the story progresses, nakita ko na si Jun-seo naman talaga yung unang nagkagusto, sobrang crush na crush nya ganyan. Pero siguro, dadating talaga sa point na bored ka na sa relationship, or baka nasasakal din. At iba ang naging feeling nya dun, parang gusto na lang nyang sukuan, hindi na niya ginusto pang pag-usapan, then late lang nya narealize na hindi nya kayang mawala si Mi-yeon… Oh well, iyak na lang.

Haay, basta, sobrang naiyak ako sa movie, kasi medyo after 15 mins ata, andun na yung scene na in coma na si Mi-yeon, so may mga flashbacks ganyan, kaya medyo drama drama din…

Haay,.. Narealize ko lang na nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi. Mahilig nating i-take for granted ang mga bagay-bagay, and we don’t see its worth until we lost it, then saka lang natin yun paghihinayangan. Di ba, nature naman na talaga yun, bakit mo nga naman kasi iisipin agad na, baka mamatay to, baka mawala to kaya i-treasure na, di ba, hindi ka naman mag-iisip nang ganun, unless paranoid ka. Maigi pa kung break-up lang, eh kung death talaga eh, medyo iiyak ka na lang talaga sa pagsisissi… I guess, applicable pa rin talaga yung “Say I love you to your loved ones, while you’re still with them, live your life as if it is your last“.

can’t be erased



So forever na ‘to malamang. Hindi na mababago pa. Hindi na maibabalik yung time na yun. Wala na.

“No failing grade/s”

Sorry naaaa…

Ang bagsak ay bagsak nga naman. Kahit anong paliwanag mo, yun na yun. Maski ano pang case yan.

Nakaka-down lang talaga minsan.


Pero kasi, ng dahil sa bagay na yun, maraming ibang bagay ang naaapektuhan. Haaaaaaaaaay…

desires, sacrifices, and suppression


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Have you ever wanted something so bad but you SHOULDN’T have it? You could but you shouldn’t. I don’t know if anyone could understand that, but, hmmm, I guess that’s not a rare situation. But, just so you know, IT’S DIFFICULT. It’s not easy seeing others COULD have it, while you SHOULDN’T. Haaaaaay…

Magulo, oo. Pero basta. And yet, after letting that thing pass, WHAT YOU SACRIFICED THAT FOR, IS STILL NOT YOURS. Halaaa, gets? Ayokong magdetalye eh. Basta, it’s just that YOU CHOSE THE OTHER ONE, but still, in the end, you lost both. AWFUL THING. You tried suppressing that feeling, that desire towards that thing, but it’s not worth it. This is where BEING SAFE enters. You chose the SAFER THING, because you don’t want to risk another precious thing. Thing is (puro thing, hehe), YOU DESIRE BOTH, YOU COULD HAVE BOTH, BUT IT’S SAFE TO NOT HAVE BOTH, BUT THERE’S STILL A POSSIBILITY THAT YOU COULD LOSE BOTH, and not have either of the two. REALLY REALLY AN AWFUL THING. Gaaaaaaaaah!!!!!

movie themes


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Naisip ko lang magblog ng ganito dahil sa preview post ko, narealize ko kasi kung gano karami ang movies na may pare-parehong theme. Depende na lang sa cast at sa lines nila pumapatok ang movie.

Friends to Lovers theme

1. Friends with Kids – Super close best friends na naisipan magkababy dahil naiinggit sa friends nila. Naisip nila ang isa’t isa since kilalang kilala na nila ang isa’t isa, at totally unattracted daw sila sa isa’t isa kaya walang magiging problema na gaya sa tunay na mag-asawa na naghihiwalayan, which is mahirap pag may baby na, eh sa kanilang set-up, hindi nila mararanasan yun dahil super friends sila. May shifting sila sa pag-aalaga sa baby haha.

2. Made of Honor – Mag-bestfriend na babae at lalaki. Nung iakkasal na yung babae, ginawa nyang maid of honor yung best friend nya kahit lalaki. Eh narealize nung lalaki na in love pala sya sa best friend nya na yun, kaya ginamit ang pagiging MOH para maagaw nya yung babae haha.

3. Friends with Benefits – Sawi sa kani-kanilang karelasyon, eh tutal magkaibigan naman sila, na-agree sila sa ganitong set-up na magbenefit sa isa’t isa ng bonggang bongga haha. In the end, nagkagustuhan din kasi eventually, andun na yung care nila for each other.

4. Something Borrowed – Friends sila sa law school, gang nagmeet yung guy at yung best friend ni girl, at nung ikakasal na, nagkaalaman yung law school best friends na ‘to na from the very start, sila pala ay attracted sa isa’t isa, hindi lang nag-aminan.

5. Love Me If You Dare – Ayaw iswallow ang pride ng magbest friends na to, na dinadaan sa dare ang lahat lahat, kahit na nagkakasakitan na sila, kahit na alam nila sa sarili nila na gusto nila ang isa’t isa, ayaw pa rin sumuko.

6. When Harry Met Sally – Eto yung define, best friends for so many years, as in super duper close. Napakita yun sa movie, kaya kita mo talaga yung friendship na nadevelop into love. Parang ang haba nga ng dating ng movie na to kasi halos ipakita talaga yung hinaba-haba ng years na magkaibigan sila.

Enemies to Lovers theme

1. Pride and Prejudice – Suklam na suklam sa isa’t isa nung una pa lang magkita, then nung makilala nila ang isa’t isa, saka nila naunawaan ang bawat isa, kaya ayun, nagkagutuhan din pala haha.

2. Flipped – Una yung girl yung patay na patay mula pa nung bata sila, then gang nabwisit na yung babae so may time na galit-galitan sila, tas namiss nung guy yung kakulitan nung babae. Hanggang naisip nya na parang may gusto na sya dun sa babae kahit na super duper annoyed sya nung bata pa sila.

3. Life As We Know It – Friends sila nung mag-asawa, pero hindi sila friends, in fact, ayaw nila talaga sa isa’t isa. Nung maaksidente yung mag-asawa, sa kanila ibinilin yung baby, as in silang dalawa ang magiging parents.

4. It’s a Boy-Girl Thing – Super magkaaway din tong magkapitbahay na ‘to. Bata pa sila hindi na sila magkasundo. Hanggang na-magic na nagkapalit sila ng katawan. Dahil sa set-up na yun, naging close sila, syempre kelangan pangalagaan ang isa’t isa, etc.

5. Ugly Truth – Super inis na inis yung babae sa lalaki kasi ang pangit ng style nito sa TV, eh ayaw nung babae ng ganung style. napilitan syang pakisamahan sya kasi yun ang sabi ng boss. Gang nagkaroon ng time na tinulungan nung lalaki yung babae para mapalapit sa gusto nyang lalaki, pero in the end, sila ang nadevelop.

Forbidden Love theme

1. Underworld III: Rise of the Lycans – Yung story ni Lucian, isang Lycan, at Sonja, isang Vampire. Sobrang grabe lang, pati ako nainis kay Viktor. Sukat bang patayin sila sa harap ng isa’t isa nung malamang may bawal na relasyon sila, lalo na nung malaman din na buntis yung babae.

2. Romeo and Juliet – Naman, alam nang lahat yan hahaha.

3. Gnomeo and Juliet – Hahahaha, bakit ba, ganun din naman to.

4. Atonement – Hindi naman masyadong forbidden, pero conflict sa pamilya dahil sa nilikhang issue nung kapatid nung babae. Nagsuffer yung dalawa at hindi sila nagkaroon ng chance na magsama, hanggang mamatay sila, na magkalayo sa isa’t isa.

Hindi ko na alam yung iba ko pang pinanood na may ganitong theme, nakalimutan ko na hahaha…

Made of Honor


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A guy in love with an engaged woman tries to win her over after she asks him to be her maid of honor.

Gasgas na nga naman yung story nito. We’ve heard a lot of “friends to lovers” movies. Tagal ko ng naeencounter yung movie na ‘to tuwing magsesearch ako ng romantic comedy films, pero hindi ko dinadownload kasi may nabasa akong reviews na hindi daw maganda ‘to etc… Eh recently, wala na tlga akong madownload, haha, kaya naisipan kong, sige go, idownload na ‘to. Hindi naman sya boring na movie. Maganda naman sya. Nafeel ko naman yung emotions nung actors haha. Pero totoo, hindi naman nakakabigla masyado yung transition from friends to lovers kasi pinafeel naman sa mga ilang scenes na hindi bigla biglang sumulpot yung feelings hahaha. Nakakatawa din tong movie ng konti hehe. Naging magbestfriend sila since college, nung magmeet sila sa dorm room nung babae tas tumabi yung lalaki sa kanya kasi akala sya yung dormmate nya, tas nagfreak out yung babae, tas yun… hahaha… weirdo hahahahaha

Love Me If You Dare


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As adults, best friends Julien and Sophie continue the odd game they started as children — a fearless competition to outdo one another with daring and outrageous stunts. While they often act out to relieve one another’s pain, their game might be a way to avoid the fact that they are truly meant for one another.

In fairness sa movie na ‘to, napalaban ako sa pagbabasa ng subtitles… In French kasi, tas ambilis pa nila magsalita hehe…

The film’s good… Nagustuhan ko, kaya nga nagblog ako… Sobrang grabe lang ang dares nila sa isa’t isa… Yung tipong mapapahiya ka sa ibang tao, makakasakit ka ng ibang tao, at masasaktan nila ang isa’t isa. Sa una ang saya pa ng game nila, until nafeel nila na parang gusto nila ng more than friends, parang nagkadevelop-an na. Yung babae pa yung una ngang nag-express ng feelings nya… Something like “tell me you love me” ata yung line, tas tinanong nung lalaki kung “is this a game?”, tas “is it a game for you?”… etc etc…

Kahit na may feelings na sila sa isa’t isa, hindi nila kayang lunukin ang pride nila… parang ganun. I won’t forget the scene na finally, magcoconfess na talaga ng seryosohan si Sophie, so salita sya ng salita, ayaw nya muna pagsalitain si Julien. After nya magsalita, parang ang reply ni Julien eh wag muna ngayon mangulit, etc kasi kelangan nya mapasa yung exam nya, na ayaw nya masira future nya kaya importante sa kanya yung exam nya na yun, so parang nabadtrip si Sophie, syempre nasaktan sya. Pero hindi nya pinahalata na sobrang devastated sya, tas sinabi nya “You can’t hurt me” parang ganun… then umalis na sya… Tinry naman ni Julien na habulin sya, yung bus scene na takbo takbo yung lalaki hinahabol yung bus hahahha, sabay nag-a-i love you hahaha… Tas wala, ayun…

Nagdaan ang ilang years, then nagkita sila ulit, parang ok na sila ulit, kinilig pa nga ako ng konti nung magkita na sila at mag-usap finally… nagdinner date pa sila… But then, everything is a set-up, in connection dun sa “You can’t hurt me”, aba, sobrang ang gago lang ni Julien, the whole act was to propose to her, then i-let down immediately after mag-yes… WTF lang… ako yung nabwisit talaga… Andun na eh, tas biglang, pinahiya na nya, imagine, nasa restaurant, andaming tao, tas nasa kabilang table lang yung totoong fiance ni Julien, na kasama pang nang-set-up. Di ba, WHY? why? yung aabot sa puntong ganun. Grabe lang yung dares nila… Syempre gumanti si Sophie, nung kasal na, pinaalala nya yung dare kay Julien nung bata pa sila na hindi sya mag-a-I do… edi grabe lang, galit na galit yung mga magulang nung bride. Sa galit ni Julien kay Sophie, gusto syang pasagasaan sa train, buti na lang tinanggal agad ni Sophie yung blinfold nya at nakatakbo bago pa sya abutan ng train. Of course, nasaktan na naman sya dun, sukat bang patayin sya…

Nagdaan ang ilang taon, may asawa na sila pareho. Sobrang namiss na ni Julien si Sophie, parang pagod na sya sa life nya, parang withdrawal symptoms lang ang nagaganap sa scene na pinakita haha, then finally, nagka-chance na magkita sila… kala ko yun na talaga,… But then, dare na naman ni Sophie.. Tas naaksidente si Julien dahil sa dare na yun, sobrang naguilty si Sophie syempre, kala nya patay na nung nagpunta sya sa ospital, pero syempre, nantrip na naman si Julien at pinalabas lang na patay na sya… Bandang huli, narealize nya na masasaktan si Sophie talaga nun, kita naman nya na sobrang iyak sya nung nasa ospital, tas si Sophie, narealize nya na isang set-up na naman yun ni Julien, then nagmeet sila sa ospital tas yun… iniwan ang kanikanilang asawa hahahaha..

OK, kinwento ko na ata halos lahat. Basta maganda sya, or ewan ko, basta tumatak sya sa akin, dahil sa mga scenes na nakwento ko. Ngayon lang ako naka-encounter ng ganitong love story, ang weird lang, yung alam na alam na alam na nilang mahal nila ang isa’t isa, pero ayaw sumuko ng kahit sino sa kanila. Yung tipong pag nagkita sila eh “uhaw na uhaw” lang ang peg hahaha… chura kasi nila, sobrang miss na miss ang isa’t isa pero pakipot at ayaw pa ring bumigay gang sa nagkakasakitan na sila. Ang ending, pinatay nila ang isa’t isa, at syempre dare na naman yun, na magpabaon sila ng buhay, magpasemento, ganyan… tsk, baliwan lang, yung ang di ko nagustuhan kasi parang andun na, akala ko sa wakas magsasama na sila, but then papakamatay lang pala haha… pero at least hindi sobrang common ng ending. Pero maski na talaga, mahalaga ang life, bat sila nagsuicide haha…

from HEROES to hindi ko na alam ang title


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not exactly hero-type, basta SKILLED FIGHTER — yep, the right term/s haha!!! kesa spy/agent whatever hahahaha

pag talaga nanonood ako ng mga ganitong action-packed movies, talaga naman, parang gusto ko ding manghataw/bumaril/manuntok/manaksak/manghagis ng ibang tao hahahahahaha!!! ang baliw lang!!! MAY GIGIL EH NUH!!!

kung ako lang siguro mag-isa sa kwarto na nanonood, baka sumisigaw pa ako ng “yeah!!!”, “uh-huh!”, “sssteeeeg!”, “tuggsshhh!”, sabay actions pa haha!!! feel na feel lang!!! eh may kasama ako, wala, napapangiti at pigil na tawa na lang ako hahahaha….

haaay… I wish life could be just this simple, yung nanonood lang ako at nagsasaya… When I’m watching, anything — movie, tv series, etc, especially action-packed ones, or sige, oo, pati na nga romantic comedy, I FORGET MY PROBLEMS FOR A WHILE. FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR AND A HALF, I FEEL LIKE I’M WITH THE CHARACTERS I’M WATCHING, OR I FEEL LIKE I’M NOT MYSELF, SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I’M THE LEAD CHARACTER. For a while, ibang problema ang pinoproblema ko. Pero ano bang problema ko? Hahahahaha! Ewan ko din, basta parang bored lang ako sa buhay ko, I WANT SOMETHING, I WANT THE OTHER THINGS, I WANT SOMETHING NOT LIKE THIS — yung parang ganun, GUSTO KO NG IBA. Kaloka, sawa na ba ako sa ginagawa ko? Utang uta na ba ako? Or talaga lang madali akong mawalan ng gana sa mga bagay, I ALWAYS WANT SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING FUN, OR SOMETHING RELAXING… Or basta siguro kahit anung maiba naman! Hahahahaha!!! That is why I love to watch and hear a lot of stories, travel to different places!!! Masaya, relaxing, adventurous!!! Haaaaay…

If life could really be just that SIMPLE, that EASY… Pero hindi, hindi pwedeng puro relax, enjoy… Most of the times you have to feel sad, stressed, endure the pain, etc. na minsan naiisip mo na lang na puro ganun na lang ang nararanasan mo, kasi mas yun ang nag-iiwan ng memory, parang kahit pilit mong alalahanin lahat ng masaya at mabuting bagay, parang ang konti at hindi kasing timbang ng lungkot mo as of the moment… Parang we’re blinded of the hurt/sadness/problem we’re feeling/experiencing at the moment. O di ba, and drama ng buhay, tapos pag masaya ka, minsan maiisip mo yung time na malungkot ka, tas maiisip mo, sandali ka lang masaya, kasi nga, naapektuhan ka na naman ng pag-alala mo sa malungkot na bagay. Ang nangyayari, mas matimbang pa yung lungkot sa buhay mo, yun na lang ang binilang mo ng binilang. Haaaay…

Shit, pano ba ako napunta sa usapang eto???? Seriously? hahahahha

anyway… ayan, pinalitan ko yung title, “from HEROES to hindi ko na alam ang title” bago ipublish tong blog hahahaha…

Why heroes? yun nga, originally tungkol sa superheroes at action figures tong blog… na-amaze lang kasi ako sa willingness nila makipaglaban at i-risk ang life. IT’S NOT EASY, WE ALL KNOW THAT.

I recently began to download movies about superheroes plus any other action movies. It all began when I saw Thor, akala ko walang kwentang labanan lang yun, pero hindi pala, maganda pala, TSAKA ANG HOT NI THOR EH…  hahahaha!!! yun pala talaga ang gusto… then sinunod ko si captain america, EH ANG HOT DIN!!! hahahhahaha baliw lang!!! bakit ba, leche! hahahahaha…

Na-crush-an ko tuloy sila [bukod sa hot sila, chos] dahil parang YOU’LL FEEL SAFE AROUND THEM… Dati, I hate men na super ang lalaki ng katawan, yung mukha ng wrestler, samahan pa ng body oil, though I still hate that…  pero ngayon, OH EM, nagustuhan ko na sila [still without the body oil, kadiri]… Yung character kasi sa movie, kahit ganung kalaking katawan, MAY HEART, basta, kakilig!!! hahahaha!!! at sinong iniisip ko habng tinatype yung last sentence? si channing tatum [character nya sa 21 jump street, sa the vow], next si chris hemsworth, then si chris evans, hahahahahahahahha kalokang kalandian yan ahhahahahahha… But seriously, girls, we want guys na kahit ganun kalaki ang katawan eh may puso, tas nakakatawa pa di ba! astig lang! hahahahah!

Ay ewan, this blog? anu ba ‘to, puro kaguluhan ko lang… parang nagkwento lang ako ng kung anu-ano hahahahha… WTF, ang baliw ko talaga…

story of a couple

REPOST… nagandahan pa rin ako kahit nabasa ko na sya, nafeel ko pa rin yung same emotions… sabay may background music pa na when i met you dahil nakikinig ako love radio that time hahahaha… ang cute lang… :))

Married or not you should read this…

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

ang sarap lang asawahin ni channing tatum sa GIF na ‘to o, hahahaha:

nakakaloka!!! kahit ang laki nyang tao, may something sa dating nya na basta… haaay… hahahahaha

nakuha ko pala tong copy ng story sa pati yung GIF… dati ko pa nabasa sa FB yung story, nde ko na nga mahanap :| buti tinweet ni papajack yung tumblr na ‘to :))